DEAR AMY: I've read letters in your column regarding children sleeping with parents. My boyfriend has a son in the fourth grade who has been sleeping in the same bed with his mother (my boyfriend's ex) for years, and I think this is extremely unhealthy. I have concerns that this will permanently and adversely affect his sexual development. My boyfriend doesn't like this either, but for various reasons (because he doesn't want to have problems) he has not intervened. It has bothered me to the point that I've considered reporting this to authorities. What do you think?

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm not a big fan of co-sleeping, partly because I believe that parents and kids both benefit from having some privacy and time to "shut down" after a long day. This sort of co-sleeping situation with older kids seems to create many conflicted notions in the minds of onlookers. And that's what you are - an onlooker.

However, some families consider this sort of arrangement completely normal. I suspect that in single-parent households it is more common for children to sleep with their custodial parent. Readers who have written to me about this report that kids at around age 10 spontaneously leave their parents' bed without looking back. If a child is still sleeping with an opposite-sex parent into the age of puberty, then it would be a cause for concern.

Unless this child seems troubled in some way (if he is withdrawn, anxious or insecure), or if he says that he doesn't like this arrangement, there is no need to call authorities. I have to point out that he has two parents, and his father - who should be someone of authority - needs to advocate for him, especially if there is even a whisper of a worry that his son might be at risk. This boy's father also needs to make sure that he maintains a constant and positive presence in his son's life. A secure attachment to his father will promote this son's healthy development.

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